Want to challenge societal dating norms and instead savor the journey of getting to know someone? What if I told you there's immense value in taking things slow and building a solid, trustworthy friendship before diving headfirst into romance? This episode is all about that, flavored with nuggets of wisdom from Bible scriptures and insights from the late 80s movie 'Big'. I scrutinize the overlooked benefits of taking it slow in relationships, and how embracing singlehood can lead to personal and professional growth.
As the conversation unfolds, I underscore the importance of meaningful dialogues, quality time, and open communication in nurturing strong bonds. We also delve into our personal experiences and share enlightening stories from our bar patrons about their journeys. The episode concludes with valuable lessons about modern dating norms and why rushing into things might do you more harm than good. So, pull up a chair, pour yourself a drink, and join me for this enriching exploration of building lasting, fulfilling relationships. My regular podcast hours are every Sunday night at 7 pm.
Want to challenge societal dating norms and instead savor the journey of getting to know someone? What if I told you there's immense value in taking things slow and building a solid, trustworthy friendship before diving headfirst into romance? This episode is all about that, flavored with nuggets of wisdom from Bible scriptures and insights from the late 80s movie 'Big'. I scrutinize the overlooked benefits of taking it slow in relationships, and how embracing singlehood can lead to personal and professional growth.
As the conversation unfolds, I underscore the importance of meaningful dialogues, quality time, and open communication in nurturing strong bonds. We also delve into our personal experiences and share enlightening stories from our bar patrons about their journeys. The episode concludes with valuable lessons about modern dating norms and why rushing into things might do you more harm than good. So, pull up a chair, pour yourself a drink, and join me for this enriching exploration of building lasting, fulfilling relationships. My regular podcast hours are every Sunday night at 7 pm.
Hey, welcome to the bartender's perspective. So happy to have you here. Work is done for the day. Pull up a chair, have a seat, I'll pour you a drink and let's get started. You know, today I want to explore a topic it often gets overlooked. I hear it at the bar and I hear it out in the world all the time. You know, in this fast-paced world, the beauty of taking it slow when it comes to relationships. You know I want to talk about the importance of not being in a rush to be in a relationship and the value of being friends first. And I'm going to mention a couple of Bible scriptures. You know reference a really great movie from the late 80s where a successful career came as the result of accidental friendships formed.
Speaker 1:
You'll see, you know a few bar patrons stories, you know, and just some things to think about when working through this process. So in the songs of Solomon, chapter eight, verse four, it reads Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. You know, awaking love until it so desires. That suggests, you know, she was saying that love has a specific time. That determines when all of us are ready to fall in love and who we should fall in love with. And if you try to love too soon or too late, you'll miss out on a romance. You know God has planned for you Psalms. You know chapter 27, verse 14,. You know wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart. You know, wait for the Lord. So something we can take away from this, you know, is just sit back and enjoy your life and wait for the Lord to bring that which is the desire for many, the right one, along in your life. Don't try to do it if your own will, and it might be something that is not meant to be to begin with. Don't be in such a rush. You know it's no secret. You know we live in a society that often pushes us to find a romantic partner quickly. We're bombarded with images of seemingly perfect couples and it can create a sense of urgency, making us feel like we're missing out if we're not in a relationship. Let me tell you it's perfectly okay to embrace the single life and take your time, you know. But I'm going to tell you there is much fulfillment and happiness in embracing single life and taking your time before committing to a relationship.
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People who prioritize their careers often realize that being single allows them to fully dedicate themselves to their work. They might find satisfaction in achieving professional milestones without the constraints of a committed relationship. You know, individuals who value personal relationships and self-discovery often choose to say single for a while. This allows them time to explore their interests, travel, learn more about themselves before sharing their life with a partner. I've seen instances where people thrive on adventure and spontaneity, those who enjoy exploring the world and engaging in various experiences. They may find that being single provides the flexibility to follow their passions without the need for compromise. Those people, man these are great people involved in building communities or pursuing social causes. They may find that being single allows them to dedicate more time and energy to their projects without the added responsibilities of a romantic relationship.
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People who have experienced challenging relationships in the past may decide to embrace the single life for a while. This time allows them to heal, gain clarity about what they want and develop a stronger sense of self before entering a new relationship. There's some people that discover the richness of platonic relationships and family connections during their single phase. They find joy and support in building strong bonds with friends and relatives, realizing that romantic relationships aren't the only source of meaningful connections, embracing the single life. It could be a positive and empowering choice, allowing individuals to focus on personal and professional aspirations before committing to a romantic relationship.
Speaker 1:
Another food for thought. One of the most significant advantages of not rushing into relationships is the opportunity to build a strong foundation of friendship. Friendships are the bedrock of any successful romantic relationship. Think of it as a house they're building. The stronger the foundation, the more stable and enduring the structure. Oh, I almost forgot to mention this scripture before I forget.
Speaker 1:
Speaking of foundations In the book of Matthew 7, verses 24-29, I almost forgot about this one. These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They're foundational words to build a life on. If you work these words into your life, you are like a small carpenter who built his house on solid rock. Rain poured down the river, flooded or tornado hit, but nothing moved that house. It was fixed to the rock. But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don't work them into your life, you are like a stupid carpenter who built his house on a sandy beach. When a storm rolled in and the waves came up, it collapsed like a house of cards. So when Jesus concluded his address, the crowd burst into applause. They had never heard teaching like this. It was apparent that he was living everything he was saying quite a contrast to their religious teachers. This was the best teacher that they had ever heard. My point being a strong and enduring friendship. That foundation is important because you can provide crucial support during challenging times, such as helping each other cope with personal hardships, offering a reliable network for advice and encouragement and creating a sense of belonging that contributes to emotional well-being. Additionally, in professional settings, a solid friendship foundation can foster effective collaboration and teamwork, enhancing productivity and job satisfaction.
Speaker 1:
You know I got me thinking about a movie. It's from the late 80s. It's called Big. It started with Tom Hanks. If you haven't seen the movie, go check it out. If you have, you all know what I'm talking about, but I'm not going to go into a lot of detail.
Speaker 1:
It's the basic premise of the movie. You know the character makes a wish as a child, turns into an adult, stumbles under the adult world, ends up working in a for a toy company, and you know he works. He gets a mailroom job and nothing special of it and then, just Throughout the movie and we inadvertently, accidentally gets hired, accidentally, makes friends, you know. And the iconic scene and the toy store F A O Schwartz, where the character runs into essentially the CEO of the toy company and they end up playing the legendary chopsticks on the giant life-size Piano that you Jump around with on your feet. And you know they played the song chopsticks and it was from that that he built, you know, a framework of friendship and Connection. You know really got to know, you know his bosses, his co-workers and you know he really cultivated a strong work foundation. You know it. I mean, that's really all I want to say about that. It's. I could tell you more, but you know this episode is not about the movie, it's just about the point being what Josh Baskin, the character of Josh Baskin, found From making friendships and whatnot.
Speaker 1:
But anyways, when your friends first, you get to know each other on a deeper level. You share experiences, laughter and even some challenges. You become comfortable being your true self, freight from the pressures and expectations that often come with dating. You know it's a chance to be authentic and genuine, which is key in building a lasting connection. But how do you go about developing a strong friendship that could potentially evolve and into something more. It starts with meaningful conversations. You know spending quality time together, explore common interests, embark on adventures and support each other's dreams and goals. Being friends first allows you to grow alongside one another and that shared growth Can be a powerful bond. It's also essential to have open and honest Communication. To have open and honest communication, you share your thoughts, you know feelings and fears with each other. When you're friends real friends there's a level of trust that makes it easier to discuss what you're looking for in a relationship and to be patient if the timing isn't perfect.
Speaker 1:
You know, I thought there were several of my bar patrons and they gave me their opinions on what they do and what works for them. I mean they're broad and they're rough, but a lot of what they had to say, you know, falls in line with what we are discussing tonight. Oh, charlie, my cheap Scotch drinker. He told me these are his words. I wanted to do them verbatim. The only people I know in my friend group who have their friends first partner later mentality are those who say they are actually quite shy and attempting to slow down the process so they can get to know people before getting into a relationship or having, we'll say intimacy, and so and this was a bit of a head scratcher for me Usually it is holding off on intimacy until we know each other better. Code Friends with friends with benefits is generally more like let's see where this goes or not looking for something serious. Sometimes in the dating process they might decide they are comfortable being intimate in some ways because the friendship they are looking for is a platform to build rapport off of and they're still trying to date and I don't know. Usually that's just how they say. They're slow movers who prefer emotional intimacy before physical. It was a really loaded answer. I recorded that one, you know, just so I could. I could recall it, you know word for word, because it was good.
Speaker 1:
Brendan, my angry orchard drinker. He had met someone on online dating. After two good dates it turns out she got out of a six year relationship and engagement. She was still healing and wasn't ready to commit again. He basically told her that he didn't want to get on the way of that and because they were only two dates in, he thought it would be really easy to change their expectations over to just friends. It lifts them the both up and he truly values the emotional connection over anything else. So he figured they didn't need to make the all or nothing approach. He didn't believe either of them were out to hook up. I think they were both just looking for healthy connections to people and that's not reserved for romantic partners only. But, funny story, they'd end up getting married a few years later and are very happy to this day, and I see them every so often. Oh, nigel, nigel. Nigel, my banking IT guy Again, and his words.
Speaker 1:
My last relationship was this we broke up after a year, but we are still friends. That wouldn't be possible if we weren't friends first. I think that getting to know someone and growing closer without the pressure of what are we is a great thing and should be the way dating is. We ended up in a relationship because we got to a certain point where it made sense and we were both interested. Unfortunately, my friend had some mental issues she needed to deal with and opted to end things. But, as I said, we have moved forward as friends after a break and all as well. So y'all, even in this instance with Nigel, though they never made it far into the relationship, they still formed a bond that made it possible for them to continue to be friends. It would be five years later that they did finally make it official, got married and are expecting their second child in a few months. Man, some great stories. I've met a lot of cool people over the years, though I just want y'all to remember please remember there's no universal timeline for relationships. The right time it's the time that feels right for you and your potential partner.
Speaker 1:
Rushing into a romantic relationship without a solid foundation again reiterating can lead to misunderstanding and heartache. Taking it slow can save you from unnecessary heartbreak and disappointment. So as you navigate the world of dating and relationships, give yourself permission to enjoy the journey. Embrace the beauty of being friends first. Take your time to build a meaningful connection and who knows, you might just find the love of your life from the process. You know the journey towards a meaningful and lasting relationship. It's a marathon, but not a sprint. Take the time to build a foundation of friendship before diving into a romantic connection. It can be a transformative and enriching experience, allowing relationships to unfold organically, and then you create space for genuine connection, understanding and compatibility to flourish.
Speaker 1:
I can't say this enough Friendship serves as a solid framework upon which the intricate structure of a romantic relationship can be built. It provides the opportunity to know someone at a deeper level, beyond the initial allure of romantic attraction. The shared laughter, inside jokes and moments of vulnerability, you know, experienced in friendship, lay the groundwork for a resilient and enduring romantic partnership. And by not rushing into a relationship, we give ourselves the chance to explore individual growth and self-discovery. This period of self-reflection, you know it allows us to understand our own needs, desires and boundaries. Additionally, you know, it provides the space for potential partners to do the same. As the saying goes, know thyself is a crucial step towards building a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Speaker 1:
I tell you what, in this fast paced world of modern dating, the concept of taking things slow may seem, you know, counterintuitive. But, however, the value of investing time and building a solid friendship cannot be overstated. I'm purposely reiterating a lot of this stuff, you know, just want to get my point home here. This deliberate approach fosters a sense of trust, communication, mutual respect, essential elements for any successful romantic relationship. While society may perpetuate the idea that finding a partner quickly is a measure of success, the true measure lies in the quality and depth of the connection formed.
Speaker 1:
Being friends first provides a solid foundation that can weather the storms and celebrate the joys that come with a romantic partnership. It's about savoring the journey rather than fixating on the destination. In the grand design of relationships, being friends first adds vibrant threads of understanding. You know again, compatibility, emotional intimacy, I mean, I just, I just can't say that enough. So let's embrace the wisdom of taking our time, relishing the moments of friendship and allowing love to blossom naturally. After all, you know, the most beautiful and enduring relationships often emerge from the patient and deliberate cultivation of a strong, genuine friendship.
Speaker 1:
So in closing, I want to talk about the relationship between the two. So in closing, if you like my podcast, please, please, feel free to tell these three people about my podcast, if you think they'll get something out of it. This will help me to continue to get my message out there to more people. But unless you went into the drink, thank you so much for stopping in. Here's your check. My regular podcast hours are, as always, every Sunday night at 7 pm, so you can come back and see me then. Have a great night.