Exploring Manipulation, Power, and Control in Relationships: A Personal Encounter

Step into the world of manipulation, power, and control as we unravel their existence throughout history and their impact on our relationships today. Ever been intrigued by the cunning deception of Lucifer in the Biblical tale of Genesis? Or fascinated by the power plays of control freaks that saunter into your local bar? Well, buckle up for a journey that delves into these murky waters, shedding light on power dynamics and control tactics that are much closer to home.

Our special guest, Izzy, courageously steps into the spotlight to share her personal experience dealing with a master manipulator - her mother-in-law. What started as a sweet and caring relationship soon took a sinister turn as Izzy recounts the lengths her mother-in-law went to control her relationship with her husband, Jake. From deception to strategically using money as a tool of manipulation, we explore the ins and outs of Izzy's tumultuous relationship. But amidst the chaos, Izzy's resilience shines through. Tune in as we examine, learn, and understand the intricacies of manipulation, power, and control in relationships. This episode promises to leave you riveted, enlightened, and yearning for more.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:06

Hey, welcome to the bartender's perspective. I'm so happy to have you here. Work is done for the day. Pull up a chair, have a seat, I'll pour you a drink and let's get started.

Speaker 1: 0:16

Tonight's podcast. Everybody, it's about a pretty sensitive subject for many, many people. Tonight we're going to talk about manipulation, power and control. I'm going to give a couple examples, or really one example of an early form of based you know from the Bible, of a very, very historical example of manipulation. And then I'm going to give a couple examples of some bar patrons that were blatant controllers that came through the bar. And then I'm going to finish out with a special guest that I had the pleasure of interviewing with, who did some technical difficulties with my equipment when I went on a trip to visit them. Of course, I was unable to do the interviews, so instead I'm going to tell their story. So manipulation, power and control them and utilize. Throughout history up into today's world, we see them used in lawyers, politicians and some world leaders as tools to achieve a certain goal. Often, whether someone likes it or not, they have been used to help avoid conflicts, start conflicts and guard insecurities and trauma.

Speaker 1: 1:40

The early example of manipulation that I was talking about. This was in the book of Genesis in the Bible, and it's in chapter three, the fall. Now, this is where Lucifer slithered into the garden and it reads in the scripture the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman did God really say you must not eat from any tree in the garden? The woman said to the serpent we may fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say you must not eat from the tree that is in the middle of the garden. You must not touch it or you will die. You will not certainly die, the serpent said to the woman, for God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good or evil. When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes above to them were opened and they realized they were naked. So they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. So in one moment, well, the first humans were manipulated by the devil. And then here we are today.

Speaker 1: 3:17

Hmm, yeah, control freaks. I've seen it time and time again. You know certain patrons that came to the bar that were just, it was ridiculous. I had a woman with her four kids and her husband. You know, I made it, as far as you know, hello to the table. When she cut me off, I immediately ordered her drink, her four kids drinks and her husband. Nobody said a word except her. And then she ordered her food. She ordered her kids food and even ordered her husband's food. I was just like wow. So one thing I have to do is when I'm finally getting an order and I finish, you know, I have to go back and review the order, you know, just to make sure that it's right. This woman was not having it Like she. Verbally she made it clear that she was done, but at the end of the day I had to stop her from speaking so I could get the order. And I wasn't trying to be rude, you know, I've told a lot of my bar patrons this, that it's all in the delivery. So at the end of the day she didn't like it. But you know, hey, the order was right, everybody was happy, I got a good tip off of them. But just wow, I just remember this woman clear as day.

Speaker 1: 4:45

I had another young lady came to the bar with her husband directly and they sat down. I walked up and said hello and every time in the beginning that he tried to speak, she cut him off. You know, I didn't think anything of it. It was a busy day and it finally came time to get their order and she ordered her food and when she was done, you know, he went to order and, like she cut him off every time he spoke, like saying you know, he wanted a bacon cheeseburger. Well, you don't want bacon, you know. And then I would ask him the cheese and he would tell the cheese and then she said, well, you don't want that cheese. And like, finally, I don't often speak up because you know I'm a very hospitable person, but we were busy and she was literally delaying the order process and I needed to get the order in and I finally stopped her and I said ma'am, could you please let your husband order your food? I have things to do, we're busy. And she jumped back. Like you know, I had a Halloween mask on and, in shock, she's like you're rude. You know, I threw my hands up and I wasn't going to start anything or argue with this woman, but nonetheless I did finally get the order in the computer, so all right.

Speaker 1: 6:11

So, as I stated before, you know I got to interview a couple that were willing to share their story about the parents of the husband, and for anonymous purposes, we're going to call them Izzy and Jake. So I got to interview them. This is a really, really powerful story, a great example of manipulation, power and control. You know I'm flattered that they would trust me with the task of sharing their story. So, you know, I began by asking them Izzy. You know what was her experience, her earliest experience with the mother-in-law and you know how she'd apparently always been this way and what was she like in the beginning when she met her. And this is what we get.

Speaker 1: 7:13

The first time that Izzy came across Jake's mother, she came across a suite carrying, but little did she know the kind of situation Shopping quality girl times and saying she always wanted a daughter. It comes out. It comes out wearing her as a defense, but the husband was, you know, with combat arguments. She wanted her to be on her side. It came out that, oh, he won't listen to me but he'll listen to you. Can you get him to do this Like? I was just shocked to hear this.

Speaker 1: 7:52

When they were in the car together coming back from shopping, the mother-in-law looked at Izzy and she comments I knew you were right for him Because, you listen to me, none of the other girls were right for him. They couldn't see what you see. Yeah, again, the mother had originally wanted a girl, so this was another way important to her. You know she had commented that she wanted more kids after 40. But then the whole woe is me. And she had lupus and just wanted people to feel sorry for her for no apparent reason, which strange to me. But again, the manipulation tactic Even got to the point that the mother would, jake's mother, would start telling him one story and then telling Izzy a different story, in an effort, you know, to pit them against each other, to make them turn on each other and to, you know, get them to be at odds.

Speaker 1: 8:53

And she would misconstrue. You know, tell one thing, act differently Towards one of them in an act, a different way, you know, with the other I'd eventually got to point that. You know they literally sat down and Compared their different stories that the mother-in-law gave each of them and Then came up with the conclusion what was the common denominator? There was even a night that and they were engaged at this point that Jake and Izzy were at dinner with the mother and father and the mother very coldly Stated that she had met a man in the neighborhood, said all this in front of Izzy, who had a daughter about his age. That would have been perfect, you know, for Jake but, much to her supposed regret, she had to tell the neighbor her son was not single and tell them he was engaged. I Just, I'm at a loss, y'all, that she did all this in front of Izzy, and all of this in an effort to strike out against her, to Manipulate her and, just well, get in her head, get under her skin. But Izzy, at this point, having already come to the conclusion, deflected in the thank her for informing the neighbor that her son was already engaged, with a cold smile on her face.

Speaker 1: 10:11

The mother-in-law, I mean she would not be friends with females who were outspoken or aggressive like she prayed on Weaker females. That can make her feel smart and wise, like Wow, you know, I asked about the father on. You know the the father and you know what was his bearing and all of this. And he used, you know, finances to control his son Jake, and and the father could have stepped in and put his wife in her place, but you know this is super messed up y'all. So Jake actually wanted to try and have a relationship with his father, you know, to get away from his mother. But the father, instead of being like you know, oh, you know you can make up with my wife what? Not just make sure that you know she's okay, then we can hang out, you know? But no, he literally dangled the relationship with his son Jake, you know Jake in front of him. Rather than being like you know, out of the love of my wife, could you please, you know, make up with her. Like, how messed up is that y'all? He's like the only one-on-one time that we can get until you make up with your mother, we're gonna go out and do it as a family. It's a phone call. Like, how messed up do you have to be to control and dangle your father's own relationship with your son? That's just ridiculous.

Speaker 1: 11:53

When I asked about their relationship and how it began, you know, I was told it was a victim of bad timing and that she was a scapegoat. So it was the end of college, apparently, for both of them. Jake was at college, izzy had her own space, their relationship was a victim of bad timing, izzy was used as a scapegoat and that the mother-in-law blamed her for all the problems she was having in the relationship with her son, saying the reason he has changed and is no longer acting the same. Like that's just so messed up. Y'all Like they're upset because their son, jake, decided to have a mind of his own. But because he has a mind of his own, it's always his fault. She's, you know, turning them, you know turning him against them. That's just ridiculous.

Speaker 1: 12:51

There was a moment where Izzy had a family member that had died and some of her other relatives who had just been moved into a new area asked her to come down and spend time with them because they were all upset. You know, wanted the support of a family member. Well, the mother-in-law was supposed to come down for the week around that same time. It got super mad. She straight up said that was unacceptable, argued she didn't get much time with her son and the daughter was like, excuse me. And the daughter. She told the daughter that she should drive by herself. So you know her son could stay and spend time with them. And Izzy was right to ask this question. She's like you want me to drive by myself and if something happens to me, you think that's okay.

Speaker 1: 13:46

Like, basically, as long as the mother was not alone, she wanted a alone time because she's selfish, wanted to talk smack about Izzy and try to wreck things because the mother-in-law was no longer in control of her daughter-in-law. So there was, at one point Jake came to get his stuff from his parents' place and Izzy came with them. They were married at this point. But the day before Jake was due to pick up his stuff from his parents, they wanted a meeting and asked him to come without Izzy because they were like, if we could just speak to you alone, we could get through to you. See, you've made a horrible choice. Like I mean, this is just messed up y'all.

Speaker 1: 14:36

But Izzy, you know what she trusted her husband, enough said go take care of what you need to take care of, and that you know she'd wait in the car. And at one point the parents came outside you know to fain apologetic and oh, we didn't know you were out here, izzy, waiting in the car, you know, and Izzy you know she clearly answered you didn't want me in your house, I didn't want to be there to be a factor in your discussion. You know the dad feigned oh how are you, izzy? And she's like I'm fine. Izzy, at this point you know she was not having it, since she knew what they were truly about and honestly I don't blame her.

Speaker 1: 15:20

At one point they even had to sit down with the mother-in-law over how she was interfering. Izzy was interfering, getting on the way and all the problems they were having, you know, was a result of her. Now, at this particular time, jake was sitting down with Izzy and anytime that Jake was trying to make a point that he didn't think they got, he was gonna squeeze her leg and she would reiterate, you know, to hit home on the point they were making. However, there came a point. Izzy tried to do this and the mother-in-law put her hand on Izzy's face and coldly stated I'm trying to have a conversation with my son, you need to mind your own business. Like I just can't imagine how a parent could be so cold. But conversation was back and forth for a while and then Izzy's parents were brought up conversation that hit a nerve, you know and they commented that they weren't her parents and Izzy was like thank God for that and stormed out. It's just so messed up. The parents stuck to how Izzy and Jake were in the wrong and it was all about their emotions and their feelings and how it made them feel and they didn't do anything wrong and that they gave everything. Forget anyone else's feelings or emotions. It's like this is just ridiculous.

Speaker 1: 16:50

There was another time there was a story about a forerunner Jake and Izzy had. They had a son and wanted to get out of a loan payment to have extra money in their pocket, but they needed some extra money to pay it off. The parents offered to be helpful, so they told them what they needed. Dad went to the dealer with Jake and while they were finishing out, the mother commented just so you know, your father was gonna use that money to pay off his car, but decided to help you instead. This was indicative that it was not something from the heart but would eventually again be dangled in front of them to hold over their heads by saying we gave you this and I guess, like clockwork, later on there was a fight and the parents wrote an email saying that they give back the money that they gifted Jake and Izzy or they would take them to court for extortion. Like, really, in the end, a the email stated that we gave you as a gift that ruins their case, right there. And then there was no contract and it was ultimately a threat just to control them.

Speaker 1: 18:01

And another example of a do as I say so. There was another example. It was the night of the day before their wedding, at the rehearsal dinner. Then there was some stuff that happened on the day of their wedding and then afterwards. So the rehearsal dinner, izzy and Jake, they showed up late. They didn't mean to, and when they showed up, we know that Izzy was already stressing as it was, the mother-in-law was upset and she said hello to Izzy, izzy, kurt Lee, and it was uptight about the ceremony and the mother-in-law's feelings got hurt and she launched into this poor me, you hurt my feelings and made it all about herself. Bye.

Speaker 1: 18:53

The father came up to Izzy after the ceremony and asked her to apologize to the mother-in-law for hurting her feelings and Not paying attention to her over anything else. You know, never mind, this was the special day of Izzy's. So, just to keep the peace, she apologized but reiterated, you know, that it was her special day and not hers. You know they went for a brief drive and talked about all this and Came back and when she got it went, izzy, got it back out of the car. See what I, you know, went up to the father and it's like I apologized to your wife but she had a bug of her. You know what? You know, don't ever ask me to do that again. You know, again, you know the parents were making this all about themselves when this, in this case, was Izzy and Jake's special day.

Speaker 1: 19:41

So the day of the wedding, there was a contract you know be heaters and preparations if it rained. Well, it did rain and there were no heaters and the things that were in the contract were not honored. And so the parents of Izzy went back and forth with the property owners and Ultimately went and left them a horrible review online for their lack of professionalism. But then the day after are you ready for this? Y'all Jake's parents went online and and left a review that contradicted what actually happened at the wedding, saying that the property owners were great and above and beyond. You know, the in-laws, didn't? They did all. They did that review blindly, not knowing that there was a contract. I Mean this is just so messed up on so many levels, it just blows my mind so Fast forward. I Guess ties have been broken with Jake's parents, but that didn't stop them from apparently sending them using quote fingers toys and Closing gifts.

Speaker 1: 20:54

They were sending them to their, their grandson, the child that Jake and Izzy had had uninvited. So apparently the last time they spoke, the father had basically stated ending their communication and said he didn't want to put his wife and him through this whole losing them again, but then later on recanted, saying that he never said such a thing and Basically just continued to send gifts over the years, you know, to make sure that they felt relevant and they would send toys and clothes in order to buy their love. You know, not out of an act of love, but to buy love. And, and Jake's parents, they were under this false impression that since they send gifts that Jake and Izzy were obligated to do so or to reciprocate it. You know, packages kept shining up with keepsakes. The parents will make the claim that they didn't want them to forget about them. They were basically bribes. Jake finally spoke up and told them to stop. You know they didn't want the gifts that were, let's be honest, really tools to manipulate them. Their tactics have finally reached a breaking point.

Speaker 1: 22:10

What I find interesting. I asked Izzy about all the gifts and things that showed up. Izzy went and Gave all the clothes and the expensive toys that were sent to the needy to like Children in need that needed toys and stuff. So I super applaud her for that. There even a came a point that when the parents were no longer talking to Jake and Izzy, they literally showed up to Jake's job and sat outside of his job, which is a secure facility they take their security seriously and embarrassed Jake in front of his employer. Like that's just messed up. It really is.

Speaker 1: 22:52

And then they moved quite a distance and decided not to tell Jake's parents that they were moving. They didn't even tell the parents they were moving and the parents went so far as to call the realtor that handled Jake and Izzy's house and manipulated them into telling them where they relocated against their wishes. Like really, you know, izzy told me if Jake's parents had not gone to the lengths that they went to, it would have at least cast a slim sense that they were willing to respect their decisions. But they couldn't even do that and to this day they still have not owned up to the thing that they've done over the years, since being cut off completely and limited to only sending letters and emails. What's really sad, y'all, is basically they're never going to change.

Speaker 1: 23:54

But what I really really like in the sense is that their meeting was originally Jake's manipulated. Mother told him to leave the phone number for their server, which was Izzy, so she did actually have a hand and them ending up together. So I guess at the end of the day, his mother and father are reaping what they sowed. So, man, that's just ridiculous y'all. But in closing, if you like my podcasts, please feel free to tell at least three people about my podcast, if you think they'll get something out of it. This will help me continue to get my message out there to more people. But unless you want another drink, as always, thank you for stopping in. Here's your check my regular podcast diaries, or, as always, every Sunday night at 7 pm, so you can come back and see me then. Have a great night, thank you.